Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
