I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
