These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
