he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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