I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
