do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
