She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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