Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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