508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He shit in the fireplace
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
