one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
