Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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