I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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