I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
