EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
