Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
