Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
