He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
