I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I died a long time ago.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
