I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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