i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
