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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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