First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
