I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
being pregnant is like rehab
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
