i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
