He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
