I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
