i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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