last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
