fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
