I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
