i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
