its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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