Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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