just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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