btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
