So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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