Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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