I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
