i would punch a child for taco bell
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
