Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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