I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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