So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
