i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
