you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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