i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
