he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
