I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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