So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
