Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
