i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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