My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
