I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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