After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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