Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
