I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
