I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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