She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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