Your tits are I can't wait for
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize