I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
