yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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