Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
