i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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