so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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